May 18, 2013
Obama Denies Role in Government
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—President Obama used his weekly radio address on Saturday to reassure the American people that he has “played no role whatsoever” in the U.S. government over the past four years…
May 17, 2013
Dear American People,
Yesterday, your hardworking House Republicans tried, once again, and failed, once again, to repeal Obamacare. And I really thought we had a good chance this time…
May 16, 2013
Republicans Agree to Stop Using Word “Scandal” in Every Sentence If Obama Resigns
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—A growing chorus of Republican lawmakers said they would stop using the word “scandal” in every sentence if President Obama resigns from office immediately…
May 14, 2013
Kim Jong-un Defends Right to Obtain Journalists’ Phone Records
PYONGYANG (The Borowitz Report)—The White House picked up a vote of support today from an unexpected source, Supreme Leader Kim Jong-un of North Korea…
Wednesday, May 08, 2013
COLUMBIA, South Carolina – (PTSD – News Service) – Don’t feel so warm and fuzzy, Mark Sanford about your victory yesterday over Democrat Elizabeth Colbert Busch. Your victory may have had little to do with the electorate forgiving you for your past bad behavior.
A brand new New York Times/ABC poll has revealed that just about anyone running as a Republican could have defeated Democrat Busch, even if the Republican was much reviled Jodi Arias who has just been convicted of the brutal murder of her boyfriend. Even dead Boston bombing suspect Tamerlan Tsanaev would received 53% to 47% for Busch if his name had appeared on the ballot as a Republican. The only opponent that the poll showed who Busch may have prevailed against was Satan, if he had run as a Republican, in which case, the poll said the race would have been a dead heat.
“I guess all you have to do in this state to win an election is to have a letter after your name, that letter being “R,” said South Carolina Governor Nikki Haley.
The Post-Times-Sun-Dispatch or PTSD is a newsource of serious political satire. Don’t let a day go by without PTSD.
FROM: http://ptsd1.blogspot.com/
May 13, 2013
Posted by Andy Borowitz
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—A deep divide has emerged within the Republican Party over whether to waste Congress’s time investigating Benghazi talking points or repealing Obamacare, G.O.P. lawmakers confirmed today.
House Majority Leader Eric Cantor (R-Virginia), sounded the first discordant note at a press briefing this morning, telling reporters, “The time for wasting day after day investigating Benghazi is over. The American people are counting us to waste our time repealing Obamacare yet again.”
Warning that “the American people don’t have an endless appetite for meaningless political theater,” Cantor added, “If we’re going to do something that’s purely symbolic, pointless, and detached from reality, I say it should be repealing Obamacare for the thirtieth or fortieth time.”
Rep. Cantor’s comments drew a strong rebuke from Darrell Issa (R-California), who has spearheaded the investigation into Benghazi: “Quite frankly, we have all the time in the world to blow repealing Obamacare. The moment to waste our time investigating Benghazi is now.” Noting that previous attempts to repeal Obamacare had cost the taxpayers approximately fifty million dollars, Issa said, “I think we’re entitled to spend at least that much, if not more, investigating Benghazi again and again and again.”
But even as the debate raged over whether Obamacare or Benghazi was more worthy of Congress’ wasted time, House Speaker John Boehner offered a third point of view: “Personally, I think the time we’re wasting on Benghazi and Obamacare could be better spent blocking progress on guns and immigration.”
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Photograph By Douglas Graham/CQ Roll Call