Tom Tomorrow This Modern World: First on Glox
http://www.workingforchange.com/comic.cfm?itemid=19546
Tom Toles cartoon for 8/30/2005 Is our children learning yet?
http://www.buffalonews.com/opinion/tomtolescartoons.asp
Kirk Anderson http://www.kirktoons.com/ Busheviks
SURGEON FAILS TO SEPARATE BRAD AND ANGELINA
Latest Case of Conjoined Celebrities Baffles Medical Expert
A surgeon who specializes in separating conjoined celebrities said today that he had been unable to separate actor Brad Pitt and actress Angelina Jolie, the latest Hollywood couple to be afflicted with the condition.
Dr. Davis Logsdon made the announcement at the University of Minnesota Medical Center after an eighteen-hour procedure to separate the couple failed.
“We employed every measure known to medical science,” said a visibly exhausted Dr. Logsdon. “But we have come to the conclusion that the couple known as ‘Brangelina’ is, for all intents and purposes, inseparable.”
Mr. Pitt and Ms. Jolie are just the latest example of what some in the medical community are calling an epidemic of conjoined celebrities, a condition in which two celebrities appear to share no major organs in common but are inseparable nonetheless.
But unlike other conjoined celebrities, Mr. Pitt and Ms. Jolie drew the attention of Dr. Logsdon because of growing sentiment around the world that the ubiquitous photos of the couple building sand castles and playing with Ms. Jolie’s countless children had to be stopped.
While Dr. Logsdon was disappointed that the medical procedure to separate the two celebrities failed, he did offer one glimmer of hope.
“Sometimes this condition goes away on its own,” Dr. Logsdon said. “Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes appeared inseparable right before their summer movies came out, but since then, not so much.”
Elsewhere, United Nations ambassador John Bolton was evicted from his New York apartment building today after reportedly frightening residents by telling them that “if the building lost ten stories it would not make a big difference.”
Borowitzreport.com
Forget about isosceles triangles and the Pythagorean Theorem—they’re square. The hottest trend in high-school math these days is deometry, the study of how the Creator created points, lines, angles, shapes and proofs. While critics decry the entry of religion into math class, fans of the new teaching method maintain that by giving God a primary role in geometry and other fields of mathematics, they are merely restoring balance to an area that has sought to remove all vestiges of religion from the public polygon.
‘On the fourth day God created the triangle’
This and more at The Swift Report – http://swiftreport.blogs.com/news/
ROSS GELBSPAN, ross@theworld.com, http://www.heatisonline.org
Today’s Boston Globe features a piece by Gelbspan titled “Katrina’s Real Name” in which he writes: “The hurricane that struck Louisiana yesterday was nicknamed Katrina by the National Weather Service. Its real name is global warming. When the year began with a two-foot snowfall in Los Angeles, the cause was global warming.
“When 124-mile-an-hour winds shut down nuclear plants in Scandinavia and cut power to hundreds of thousands of people in Ireland and the United Kingdom, the driver was global warming. When a severe drought in the Midwest dropped water levels in the Missouri River to their lowest on record earlier this summer, the reason was global warming. In July, when the worst drought on record triggered wildfires in Spain and Portugal and left water levels in France at their lowest in 30 years, the explanation was global warming.
“When a lethal heat wave in Arizona kept temperatures above 110 degrees and killed more than 20 people in one week, the culprit was global warming. And when the Indian city of Bombay (Mumbai) received 37 inches of rain in one day — killing 1,000 people and disrupting the lives of 20 million others — the villain was global warming.” Ross Gelbspan is author of the books “The Heat Is On” and “Boiling Point: How Politicians, Big Oil and Coal, Journalists and Activists Have Fueled the Climate Crisis — and What We Can Do to Avert Disaster.”
From: Institute for Public Accuracy
Press Release
August 30, 2005
Washington, DC…The Ronald Reagan Presidential Library, one of eleven Presidential Libraries that are part of the National Archives and Records Administration, has approximately 55 million pages of materials related to the Reagan Presidency. To date, the Library has opened 51,285 pages of records relating to Judge John G. Roberts.
In processing requests, the Library followed its standard search procedure by searching for Roberts records using his name. During the expedited processing of these records, the Library noticed a code, “CU AT 18,” associated with tracking sheets in the Roberts materials. The Library ran a search on that code, and on Monday, August 29, discovered a large volume of White House Office of Records Management Subject case files that were entered into the system only by the code for John Roberts (instead of his name). Some of these materials will be duplicative of previously opened files.
The Library is now in the process of determining what documents within these case files relate to John Roberts. In order to make this material available as soon as possible, the National Archives has directed additional personnel from Washington, DC and other libraries to assist the Reagan Library staff in the expedited review of these records.
http://www.archives.gov/press/press-releases/2005/nr05-106.html
Buried deep within the No Child Left Behind Act is a provision that requires public high schools to hand over students’ private contact information to military recruiters. If a school does not comply, it risks losing vital federal education funds. As if that weren’t bad enough, the Pentagon has now built an illegal database of 30 million 16 to 25-year-olds as another recruitment tool.
Action 1: Protect our Children – “Opt Them Out!”
Sojourners is partnering with Working Assets and others in The Leave My Child Alone Coalition to make it easy to protect children from unwanted military recruiting by getting their names off both Pentagon and high school recruiting lists.
»Click here to opt out your child http://go.sojo.net/ct/cpAkse91mzcp/opt_out
Action 2: Host a Back-To-School Event
Because most high schools turn over their student lists to military recruiters in October, it’s imperative that we get as many kids as possible “opted out” during the month of September. Parents, teachers, grandparents, and concerned citizens are planning Leave My Child Alone back-to-school events from September 7 to 30. It’s easy to host an event at your home, church, or local coffee shop – we provide you with the forms and information you need, plus a FREE DVD ( http://www.leavemychildalone.org/DVD ) on opting out, featuring Cindy Sheehan and former recruiter Jim Massey.
»Click here
http://go.sojo.net/ct/c7Akse91mzc0/events
to register an event now and help local families opt out! Consider making “Opt Out” the subject of a religious education class, youth group gathering, book club, or other community activity you already participate in.
Action 3: Pass it on
Most parents don’t even know about the need to opt out. Please forward this e-mail to parents, grandparents, and teachers you know. Tell them to visit LeaveMyChildAlone.org for more information and all the forms needed to opt out.
From: Sojourners
