Flying Pigs, Tamiflu and Factory Farms
By F. William Engdahl
Global Research, April 29, 2009
If we are to believe what our trusted international media report, the world is on the brink of a global pandemic outbreak of a new deadly strain of flu, H1N1 as it has been labelled, or more popularly, Swine Flu. As the story goes, the outbreak of the deadly flu was first discovered in Mexico . According to press reports, after several days, headlines reported as many as perhaps 150 deaths in Mexico were believed caused by this virulent people-killing pig virus that has spread to humans and now is allegedly being further spread from human to human. Cases were being reported hourly from Canada to Spain and beyond. The only thing wrong with this story is that it is largely based on lies, hype and coverup of possible real causes of Mexican deaths.
One website, revealingly named Swine Flu Vaccine, reports the alarming news, ‘One out of every five residents of Mexico ‘s most populous city wore masks to protect themselves against the virus as Mexico City seems to be the epicenter of the outbreak. As many as 103 deaths have been attributed to the swine flu so far with many more feared to be on the horizon. The health department of Mexico said an additional 1,614 reported cases have been documented.’ We are told that the H1N1 ‘shares genetic material from human, avian and swine influenza viruses.’ 1
Airports around the world have installed passenger temperature scans to identify anyone with above normal body temperature as possible suspect for swine flu. Travel to Mexico has collapsed. Sales of flu vaccines, above all Tamiflu from Roche Inc., have exploded in days. People have stopped buying pork fearing certain death. The World Health Organization has declared a ‘a public health emergency of international concern,’ defined by them as ‘an occurrence or imminent threat of illness or health conditions caused by bioterrorism, epidemic or pandemic disease, or highly fatal infectious agents or toxins that pose serious risk to a significant number of people.’ 2
What are the symptoms of this purported Swine Flu? That’s not at all clear according to virologists and public health experts. They say Swine Flu symptoms are relatively general and nonspecific. ‘So many different things can cause these symptoms. it is a dilemma,’ says one doctor interviewed by CNN. ‘There is not a perfect test right now to let a doctor know that a person has the Swine Flu.’ It has been noted that most individuals with Swine Flu had an early on set of fever. Also it was common to see dizziness, body aches and vomiting in addition to the common sneezing, headache and other cold symptoms. These are symptoms so general as to say nothing.
The US Government’s Center for Disease Control (CDC) in Atlanta states on its official website, ‘Swine Influenza (swine flu) is a respiratory disease of pigs caused by type A influenza viruses that causes regular outbreaks in pigs. People do not normally get swine flu, but human infections can and do happen. Swine flu viruses have been reported to spread from person-to-person, but in the past, this transmission was limited and not sustained beyond three people.’ Nonetheless they add, ‘CDC has determined that this swine influenza A (H1N1) virus is contagious and is spreading from human to human. However, at this time, it is not known how easily the virus spreads between people.’ 3
How many media that have grabbed on the headline ‘suspected case of Swine Flu’ in recent days bother to double check with the local health authorities to ask some basic questions? For example, the number of confirmed cases of H1N1 and their location? The number of deaths confirmed to have resulted from H1N1? Dates of both? Number of suspected cases and of suspected deaths related to the Swine Flu disease?
Some known facts
According to Biosurveillance, itself part of Veratect, a US Pentagon and Government-linked epidemic reporting center, on April 6, 2009 local health officials declared a health alert due to a respiratory disease outbreak in La Gloria, Perote Municipality, Veracruz State, Mexico.
They reported, ‘Sources characterized the event as a ‘strange’ outbreak of acute respiratory infection, which led to bronchial pneumonia in some pediatric cases. According to a local resident, symptoms included fever, severe cough, and large amounts of phlegm. Health officials recorded 400 cases that sought medical treatment in the last week in La Gloria, which has a population of 3,000; officials indicated that 60% of the town’s population (approximately 1,800 cases) has been affected. No precise timeframe was provided, but sources reported that a local official had been seeking health assistance for the town since February.’ What they later say is ‘strange’ is not the form of the illness but the time of year as most flu cases occur in Mexico in the period October to February.
The report went on to note, ‘Residents claimed that three pediatric cases, all under two years of age, died from the outbreak. However, health officials stated that there was no direct link between the pediatric deaths and the outbreak; they stated the three fatal cases were “isolated” and “not related” to each other.’
Then, most revealingly, the aspect of the story which has been largely ignored by major media, they reported, ‘Residents believed the outbreak had been caused by contamination from pig breeding farms located in the area. They believed that the farms, operated by Granjas Carroll, polluted the atmosphere and local water bodies, which in turn led to the disease outbreak. According to residents, the company denied responsibility for the outbreak and attributed the cases to “flu.” However, a municipal health official stated that preliminary investigations indicated that the disease vector was a type of fly that reproduces in pig waste and that the outbreak was linked to the pig farms.’ 4
Since the dawn of American ‘agribusiness,’ a project initiated with funding by the Rockefeller Foundation in the 1950′s to turn farming into a pure profit maximization business, US pig or hog production has been transformed into a highly efficient, mass production industrialized enterprise from birth to slaughter. Pigs are caged in what are called Factory Farms, industrial concentrations which are run with the efficiency of a Dachau or Bergen-Belsen concentration camp. They are all conceived by artificial insemination and once born, are regularly injected with antibiotics, not because of illnesses which abound in the hyper-crowded growing pens, but in order to make them grow and add weight faster. Turn around time to slaughter is a profit factor of highest priority. The entire operation is vertically integrated from conception to slaughter to transport distribution to supermarket.
Granjas Carroll de Mexico (GCM) happens to be such a Factory Farm concentration facility for hogs. In 2008 they produced almost one million factory hogs, 950,000 according to their own statistics. GCM is a joint venture operation owned 50% by the world’s largest pig producing industrial company, Smithfield Foods of Virginia. 5 The pigs are grown in a tiny rural area of Mexico , a member of the North American Free Trade Agreement, and primarily trucked across the border to supermarkets in the USA , under the Smithfields’ family of labels. Most American consumers have no idea where the meat was raised.
Now the story becomes interesting.
Manure Lagoons and other playing fields
The Times of London interviewed the mother of 4-year-old Edgar Hernandez of La Gloria in Veracruz , the location of the giant Smithfield Foods hog production facility. Their local reporter notes, ‘Edgar Hernández plays among the dogs and goats that roam through the streets, seemingly unaware that the swine flu he contracted a few weeks ago — the first known case — has almost brought his country to a standstill and put the rest of the world on alert. ‘I feel great,’ the five-year-old boy said. ‘But I had a headache and a sore throat and a fever for a while. I had to lay down in bed.”
The reporters add, ‘It was confirmed on Monday (April 27 2009-w.e.) that Edgar was the first known sufferer of swine flu, a revelation that has put La Gloria and its surrounding factory pig farms and ‘manure lagoons’ at the centre of a global race to find how this new and deadly strain of swine flu emerged.’ 6
That’s quite interesting. They speak of ‘La Gloria and its surrounding factory pig farms and ‘manure lagoons.” Presumably the manure lagoons around the LaGloria factory pig farm of Smithfield Foods are the waste dumping place for the feces and urine waste from at least 950,000 pigs a year that pass through the facility. The Smithfield ‘s Mexico joint venture, Norson, states that alone they slaughter 2,300 pigs daily. That’s a lot. It gives an idea of the volumes of pig waste involved in the concentration facility at La Gloria.
Significantly, according to the Times reporters, ‘residents of La Gloria have been complaining since March that the odour from Granjas Carroll’s pig waste was causing severe respiratory infections. They held a demonstration this month at which they carried signs of pigs crossed with an X and marked with the word peligro (danger).’ 7 There have been calls to exhume the bodies of the children who died of pneumonia so that they could be tested. The state legislature of Veracruz has demanded that Smithfield ‘s Granjas Carroll release documents about its waste-handling practices. Smithfield Foods reportedly declined to comment on the request, saying that it would ‘not respond to rumours.’ 8
A research compilation by Ed Harris reported, ‘According to residents, the company denied responsibility for the outbreak and attributed the cases to ‘flu.’ However, a municipal health official stated that preliminary investigations indicated that the disease vector was a type of fly that reproduces in pig waste and that the outbreak was linked to the pig farms.’ 9 That would imply that the entire Swine Flu scare might have originated from the PR spin doctors of the world’s largest industrial pig factory farm operation, Smithfield Foods.
The Vera Cruz-based newspaper La Marcha blames Smithfield ‘s Granjos Carroll for the outbreak, highlighting inadequate treatment of massive quantities of animal waste from hog production. 10
Understandably the company is perhaps more than a bit uncomfortable with the sudden attention. The company, which supplies the McDonald’s and Subway fast-food chains, was fined $12.3 million in the United States 1997 for violating the Clean Water Act. Perhaps they are in a remote tiny Mexican rural area enjoying a relatively lax regulatory climate where they need not worry about being cited for violations of any Clean Water Act.

Pig Factory Farm Industrial Production is a classic breeder of disease and toxins but little attention is being paid to this source
Factory Farms as toxic concentrations
At the very least the driving force for giant industrial agribusiness outsourcing of facilities to third world sites such as Veracruz, Mexico has more to do with further cost reduction and lack of health and safety scrutiny than it does with improving the health and safety quality of the food end product. It has been widely documented and subject of US Congressional reports that large-scale indoor animal production facilities such as that of Granjos Carroll are notorious breeding grounds for toxic pathogens.
A recent report by the US Pew Foundation in cooperation with the Johns Hopkins School of Public Health notes, ‘the method of producing food animals in the United States has changed from the extensive system of small and medium-sized farms owned by a single family to a system of large, intensive operations where the animals are housed in large numbers in enclosed structures that resemble industrial buildings more than they do a traditional barn. That change has happened primarily out of view of consumers but has come at a cost to the environment and a negative impact on public health, rural communities, and the health and well-being of the animals themselves. 11
The Pew study notes, ‘The diversified, independent, family-owned farms of 40 years ago that produced a variety of crops and a few animals are disappearing as an economic entity, replaced by much larger, and often highly leveraged, farm factories. The animals that many of these farms produce are owned by the meat packing companies from the time they are born
or hatched right through their arrival at the processing plant and from there to market.’ 12
The study emphasizes that application of ‘untreated animal waste on cropland can contribute to excessive nutrient loading, contaminate surface waters, and stimulate bacteria and algal
growth and subsequent reductions in dissolved oxygen concentrations in surface waters.’ 13
That is where the real investigation ought to begin, with the health and sanitary dangers of the industrial factory pig farms like the one at Perote in Veracruz . The media spread of panic-mongering reports of every person in the world who happens to contract ‘symptoms’ which vaguely resemble flu or even Swine Flu and the statements to date of authorities such as WHO or CDC are far from conducive to a rational scientific investigation..
Tamiflu and Rummy
In October 2005 the Pentagon ordered vaccination of all US military personnel worldwide against what it called Avian Flu, H5N1. Scare stories filled world media. Then, Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld announced he had budgeted more than $1 billion to stockpile the vaccine, Oseltamivir sold under the name, Tamiflu. President Bush called on Congress to appropriate another $2 billion for Tamiflu stocks.
What Rumsfeld neglected to report at the time was a colossal conflict of interest. Prior to coming to Washington in January 2001, Rumsfeld had been chairman of a California pharmaceutical company, Gilead Sciences. Gilead Sciences held exclusive world patent rights to Tamiflu, a drug it had developed and whose world marketing rights were sold to the Swiss pharma giant, Roche. Rumsfeld was reportedly the largest stock holder in Gilead which got 10% of every Tamiflu dose Roche sold. 14 When it leaked out, the Pentagon issued a curt statement to the effect that Secretary Rumsfeld had decided not to sell but to retain his stock in Gilead, claiming that to sell would have indicated something to hide.’ That agonizing decision won him reported added millions as the Gilead share price soared more than 700% in weeks.
Tamiflu is no mild candy to be taken lightly. It has heavy side effects. It contains matter that could have potentially deadly consequences for a person’s breathing and often reportedly leads to nausea, dizziness and other flu-like symptoms.
Since the outbreak of Swine Flu Panic (not Swine Flu but Swine Flu Panic) sales of Tamiflu as well as any and every possible drug marketed as flu related have exploded. Wall Street firms have rushed to issue ‘buy’ recommendations for the company. ‘Gimme me a shot Doc, I don’t care what it is…I don’ wanna die…’
Panic and fear of death was used by the Bush Administration skilfully to promote the Avian Flu fraud. With ominous echoes of the current Swine Flu scare, Avian Flu was traced back to huge chicken factory farms in Thailand and other parts of Asia whose products were shipped across the world. Instead of a serious investigation into the sanitary conditions of those chicken factory farms, the Bush Administration and WHO blamed ‘free-roaming chickens’ on small family farms, a move that had devastating economic consequences to the farmers whose chickens were being raised in the most sanitary natural conditions. Tyson Foods of Arkansas and CG Group of Thailand reportedly smiled all the way to the bank.
Now it remains to be seen if the Obama Administration will use the scare around so-called Swine Flu to repeat the same scenario, this time with ‘flying pigs’ instead of flying birds. Already Mexican authorities have reported that the number of deaths confirmed from so-called Swine Flu is 7 not the 150 or more bandied in the media and that most other suspected cases were ordinary flu or influenza.
(To be continued)
F. William Engdahl is author of Seeds of Destruction: The Hidden Agenda of Genetic Manipulation (Global Rersearch, 2007, see below) and A Century of War: Anglo-American Oil Politics and the New World Order (Pluto Press). His new book, Full Spectrum Dominance: Totalitarian Democracy in the New World Order (Third Millennium Press) is due out end of May. He may be contacted through his website: www.engdahl.oilgeopolitics.net .
Notes
1 Health Advisory, accessed in http://www.swine-flu-vaccine.info/.
2 Ibid.
3 Centers for Disease Control, Swine Influenza and You, accessed in
http://www.cdc.gov/swineflu/swineflu_you.htm.
4 Biosurveillance, Swine Flu in Mexico- Timeline of Events, April 24, 2009, accessed in
http://biosurveillance.typepad.com/biosurveillance/2009/04/swine-flu-in-mexico-timeline-of-events.html.
5 Smithfield Foods website, accessed in
http://www.smithfieldfoods.com/our_company/our_family/Norson.aspx.
6] Ruth Maclean in La Gloria and Chris Ayres in Mexico City , I had a headache and fever’ says boy who survived, London Times, April 28, 2009.
7] Ibid.
8 Ibid.
9 Ed Harris, Bloggers Examine Environmental Role in Mexico Swine Flu Outbreak, April 27, 2009, accessed in
http://www.planetthoughts.org/?pg=pt/Whole&qid=2870.
10 Ibid.
11 The Pew Commission on Industrial Farm Animal Production, Putting Meat on the Table: Industrial Farm
Animal Production in America, accessed in http://www.ncifap.org/_images/PCIFAPFin.pdf.
12 Ibid.
13 Ibid.
14 F. William Engdahl, Is Avian Flu another Pentagon Hoax?, GlobalResearch, October 30, 2005.
From:
www.globalresearch.ca/index.php?context=va&aid=13408
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Swine Flu and Meat Industry
Monday, April 27, 2009
MIKE DAVIS, mdavis@ucr.edu
Davis is author of “The Monster at Our Door: The Global Threat of Avian Flu.” He just wrote the piece “The Really Dangerous Swine Wear Suits.” Davis’ other books include “City of Quartz,” “Ecology of Fear,” “In Praise of Barbarians” and “Planet of Slums.”
His most recent piece states: “The Mexican swine flu, a genetic chimera probably conceived in the fecal mire of an industrial pigsty, suddenly threatens to give the whole world a fever. The initial outbreaks across North America reveal an infection already traveling at higher velocity than did the last official pandemic strain, the 1968 Hong Kong flu. …
“Given that domesticated seasonal Type-A influenzas kill as many as 1 million people each year, even a modest increment of virulence, especially if combined with high incidence, could produce carnage equivalent to a major war. …
“The mythology of bold, preemptive (and cheap) intervention against avian flu has been invaluable to the cause of rich countries, like the USA and UK, who prefer to invest in their own biological Maginot Lines rather than dramatically increasing aid to epidemic frontlines overseas, as well as to Big Pharma, which has battled Third World demands for the generic, public manufacture of critical antivirals like Roche’s Tamiflu.
“Perhaps it is not surprising that Mexico lacks both capacity and political will to monitor livestock diseases and their public health impacts, but the situation is hardly better north of the border, where surveillance is a failed patchwork of state jurisdictions and corporate livestock producers treat health regulations with the same contempt with which they deal with workers and animals.
“Similarly, a decade of urgent warnings by scientists in the field has failed to ensure the transfer of sophisticated viral assay technology to the countries in the direct path of likely pandemics. Mexico has world-famous disease experts, but it had to send swabs to a laboratory in Winnipeg (which has less than 3 percent of the population of Mexico City) in order to ID the strain’s genome. Almost a week was lost as a consequence.
“But no one was less alert than the legendary disease controllers in Atlanta. According to the Washington Post, the CDC did not learn about the outbreak until six days after the Mexican government had begun to impose emergency measures. Indeed, ‘U.S. public health officials are still largely in the dark about what’s happening in Mexico two weeks after the outbreak was recognized.’
“There should be no excuses. This is not a ‘black swan’ flapping its wings. Indeed, the central paradox of this swine flu panic is that while totally unexpected, it was accurately predicted.
“Six years ago, Science dedicated a major story (reported by the admirable Bernice Wuethrich) to evidence that ‘after years of stability, the North American swine flu virus has jumped onto an evolutionary fast track.’…
“Virologists have long believed that the intensive agricultural system of southern China — an immensely productive ecology of rice, fish, pigs and domestic and wild birds — is the principal engine of influenza mutation: both seasonal ‘drift’ and episodic genomic ‘shift.’ (More rarely there may occur a direct leap from birds to pigs and/or humans [as with H5N1 in 1997].)
“But the corporate industrialization of livestock production has broken China’s natural monopoly on influenza evolution. As many writers have pointed out, animal husbandry in recent decades has been transformed into something that more closely resembles the petrochemical industry than the happy family farm depicted in school readers.
“In 1965, for instance, there were 53 million American hogs on more than 1 million farms; today, 65 million hogs are concentrated in 65,000 facilities — half with more than 5,000 animals. This has been a transition, in essence, from old-fashioned pig pens to vast excremental hells, unprecedented in nature, containing tens, even hundreds of thousands of animals with weakened immune systems suffocating in heat and manure while exchanging pathogens at blinding velocity with their fellow inmates and pathetic progenies.”
A versions of Davis’ recent piece is available at:
http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/2009/apr/27/swine-flu-mexico-health .
From: Institute for Public Accuracy
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Swine Flu and Sick Days
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
Swine Flu and Sick Days
BARBARA GAULT, via Elisabeth Crum, crum@iwpr.org,
http://www.iwpr.org
Director of research for the Institute for Women’s Policy Research, Gault said today: “The Centers for Disease Control has recommended that those who are sick should stay home from work or school to avoid infecting others.
“However, analyses of Bureau of Labor Statistics and other data conducted by the Institute for Women’s Policy Research have found that less than half of workers have paid sick days, and only one in three are able to utilize sick days to care for sick children. Workers without paid sick days lose wages if they stay home, and many workers risk losing their jobs. As a result, workers who lack paid sick time are more likely to go to work with a communicable illness, and parents who cannot stay home with a sick child are more likely to send sick children to school or day care. Workers who work in direct contact with the public, such as restaurant workers, child care workers, and hotel employees, are among the least likely to have paid sick days.
“People who go to work or school while sick may infect coworkers, customers, and classmates, resulting in even more infections. With seasonal influenza, this pattern of infection is a serious problem, costing employers and families millions of dollars a year and sometimes causing serious illness or death, especially among infants and the elderly. The deaths among young, healthy individuals in Mexico (identified as a serious cause for concern by the CDC and WHO) suggest that the swine flu has the potential to be much more costly and dangerous than typical seasonal influenza.
“The swine flu situation raises the question of the public health costs of failing to provide paid sick days. Despite the public health implications and popular support — four of five Americans think that paid sick days should be a basic labor standard — no national or state laws require that workers have paid sick days.”
From: Institute for Public Accuracy
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BEA News: Gross Domestic Product, 1st quarter 2009 (advance)
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
The U.S. Bureau of Economic Analysis (BEA) has issued the following news release today:
Real gross domestic product — the output of goods and services produced by labor and property located in the United States — decreased at an annual rate of 6.1 percent in the first quarter of 2009, (that is, from the fourth quarter to the first quarter), according to advance estimates released by the Bureau of Economic Analysis.
The full text of the release on BEA’s Web site can be found at
http://www.bea.gov/newsreleases/national/gdp/gdpnewsrelease.htm
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Op-Ed: We Need Public Directors on TARP Bank Boards
The government’s role should be honest and transparent.
Wall Street Journal
http://online.wsj.com/article/SB124061299795354487.html#printMode
By ROBERT B. REICH
MR. REICH IS PROFESSOR OF PUBLIC POLICY AT THE UNIVERSITY OF CALIFORNIA, BERKELEY, and a secretary of labor under President Bill Clinton.
April 25, 2009
I don’t know whether Bank of America shareholders will oust Ken Lewis from his chairmanship next week. I don’t know if Treasury Secretary Timothy Geithner will eventually do it, either. What really worries me is I don’t know who would actually be responsible for doing the deed, or by what criteria.
When it comes to keeping top corporate executives in line we usually entrust the job to shareholders — or, as a practical matter, institutional investors that represent shareholders’ interests. When it comes to keeping top public servants in line we generally trust voters — or, as a practical matter, the elected officials who represent them. But when, as now, the public has committed large amounts of its money to particular companies in the private sector, we’re in a quandary….
At the least, when government takes an ownership stake in a company, the pubic should be represented on that companies’ board of directors in direct proportion to the size of its stake. Those public directors should be appointed by the president. In exercising their oversight function, they should seek guidance from the president and his top economic officials. And their votes on critical issues before the board — such as whether to fire Ken Lewis — should be made public.
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CNN’s Bash didn’t note economists’ argument that spending is necessary in recession
In a CNN.com article, Dana Bash reported that Republicans “trying to return to their small government roots” are “opposing Obama’s economic prescriptions.” But Bash did not mention that several economists say increased government spending — as opposed to a return to “small government roots” — is the necessary “economic prescription[]” during a recession.
Read More
http://mediamatters.org/items/200904280004?lid=1025929&rid=26728566
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Sanofi-Aventis, Blackwater of bugs: Sanofi Aventis Invests 100 Million Euros In New Facility In Mexico to Produce Seasonal and Pandemic Influenza Vaccine
19 Mar 2009
Sanofi-aventis, announced the signing of an agreement with the Mexican authorities to build a 100 million euro facility to manufacture influenza vaccine in Mexico. The announcement was made during a ceremony attended by Felipe Calderon, [unelected] President of Mexico, and Nicolas Sarkozy, President of France, who was in Mexico City for a State visit. “By building this new facility, sanofi-aventis is proud to contribute to the strengthening of Mexico’s health infrastructure and is eager to support Mexico’s exemplary commitment to public health through influenza immunization and pandemic readiness”, said Chris Viehbacher, Chief Executive Officer of sanofiaventis.
At:
http://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/142835.php
From: CLG News
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Blunder: Why Smart People Make Bad Decisions – Zachary Shore
We all make bad decisions. It’s part of being human. The resulting mistakes can be valuable, the story goes, because we learn from them. But do we? Historian Zachary Shore says no, not always, and he has a long list of examples to prove his point.
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Congressman Ron Paul’s Texas Straight Talk: Secession
Monday, April 27, 2009
The Ultimate States’ Right
“Last week the governor of Texas ignited a media firestorm for his remarks involving the idea of secession. He did not call for Texas to secede from the United States. He merely pointed out that the federal government was treading heavily on the sovereignty of the states and that this cannot continue indefinitely without a breaking point.”
Click here to read the full article:
http://www.house.gov/paul/index.shtml
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Report Gives Scope of Cybercrime
Richmond-Times-Dispatch, (04/05/2009), Iris Taylor
Cybercrime robbed consumers of $265 million in 2008, $25 million more than the previous year, according to the Internet Crime Complaint Center. California logged the most consumer complaints. The center is a partnership between the FBI and the National White Collar Crime Center. Consumers can use the center to report cybercrime. It also provides law enforcement with a central referral mechanism for complaints involving Internet-related crimes.The increase in complaints means not only that illegal activity has increased, but that consumers are more aware of the center, according to spokesman Craig Butterworth. One-third of the complaints received in 2008 involved nondelivered merchandise or payments. Internet auction fraud accounted for 26 percent of complaints. Other complaints involved computer fraud, check fraud, identify theft and threats.
www.timesdispatch.com/rtd/business/columnists/article/IRIS05_20090404-180502/249062/
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Borowitz Report – Obama Resignation Shocker
April 29, 2009
Obama Quits While Ahead
Prez Resigns After Hundred Days: ‘All Downhill From Here’
In a move that stunned both political allies and foes alike, President Barack Obama resigned today after serving 100 days in office, telling the White House press corps, “It’s all downhill from here.”
The reporters seemed stunned by the President’s decision in light of the fawning media coverage he received during his first 100 days, but the hyperbolic nature of that reportage, ironically, may have been the prime motivator behind Mr. Obama’s shocking move.
“Let’s face it, I’m not going to get better coverage than I have to date,” he said. “The only guy with a higher approval rating is that dude who landed the plane on the Hudson – or maybe that other dude who escaped from those pirates.”
Mr. Obama may have a point, as current polls show that the only Americans with higher approval ratings are members of his immediate family.
According to the latest University of Minnesota/Opinion Research Institute survey, Mr. Obama’s 67% approval rating is topped by First Lady Michelle Obama at 84%, with daughters Sasha and Malia and dog Bo tied at 98%.
Even the President’s little-known half-brother George Obama, who resides in Nairobi, Kenya, garnered a 73% thumbs-up in the poll.
As the press corps reeled from the news of Mr. Obama’s resignation, one White House source suggested that the First Lady may have been behind the decision: “Around Day 95 or so, Michelle was running out of wardrobe changes.”
At the Supreme Court, Chief Justice John Roberts said that he stood ready to swear in the nation’s new chief executive, whom he called “President Biden R. Joseph.”
Mr. Biden is scheduled to deliver his Inaugural address on Friday at noon and wrap it up sometime late Sunday.
THE COOLEST VIDEO CLIP ON THE NET is at www.oliviagentile.com
Upcoming Events
April 30, 2009 at 8:00PM
Andy’s Only NY Show!
Andy reviews Obama’s first 100 days with special guests Hendrik Hertzberg (The New Yorker), Jonathan Alter (Newsweek, MSNBC) and comedian Judy GoldLocation:
The 92nd Street Y, Lexington and 92nd Street
For tickets go to 92y.orgMay 23, 2009 at 2:00PM
Andy in Cleveland – Free Show!
Andy performs a free stand-up show in his hometown. Meet Andy and his wife Olivia Gentile; Olivia will read from her new book, LIFE LIST, and both will sign their books afterward.Location:
Joseph-Beth Bookstore, 24519 Cedar Road, Lyndhurst
http://www.borowitzreport.com/
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three thousand words
|
Nate Beeler
Washington Examiner Apr 28, 2009 |
Matt Davies: Cheesy Rider
(davies.lohudblogs.com)

Steve Sack: Credit Crunch
(img.slate.com/)

















